either way he was missing a nipple.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
