Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I didn't shave. On purpose
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize