i permit you to call me
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
