she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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