it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
