Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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