If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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