Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
