well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
