ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
