I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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