Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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