when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
