Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
