How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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