Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
