she takes plan B like it's going out of style
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
