there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
