Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
