Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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