I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
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College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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