what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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