Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
