apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I wear drunk well.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
