do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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