remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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