there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
