You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
