She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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