If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
