She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
