You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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