You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
