I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
All the doctor said was why
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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