I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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