god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
