If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
