trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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