my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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