my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
