I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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