I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
