I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
