Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
