Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
