my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
