I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
