***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
