JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
