Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
