Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
