Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
