my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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