Duck Duck Cougar?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
