My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
