girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
