this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
