drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The air taste purple.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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