You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Your mouth is God's brothel.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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