Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
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I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
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Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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