and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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