i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize