I should be sponsored by Trojan
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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