No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
