You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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