found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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