I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We have started to decorate penises.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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