I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
