i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
