can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
