Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
worst night to have a conscience
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
