Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
